There’s something I wish someone had told me years ago — back when life felt a little too tight, a little too loud, and a little too much like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle.

Here it is:

Your relationship already has a resilience tool built in.
It’s called nostalgia.

And no, I don’t mean the “scroll back through your photos until your thumb cramps” kind of nostalgia.
I mean the deep, grounding, no-one-else-knows-this-but-us kind.

According to psychologist Krystine Batcho (2013), nostalgia is a coping tool.
It helps people stay emotionally stable during difficult seasons by reminding them who they are… and who they love.

And if you’re married?
It’s a lifeline you can pull together.

Every couple hits a season where life throws too much at once. For some it’s the empty nest suddenly echoing louder than expected. For others it’s career upheaval or health scares or caring for aging parents.

For us?
We had a season that felt like a pressure cooker set on high.

I was building a business from scratch — which sounds fun until you’re the one lying awake doing the math on debt, supplies, website costs, taxes, shipping, and how many hours are actually in a day. Meanwhile, there were children to raise, meals to figure out, and a very real question about how to be a present mom and a committed wife while also troubleshooting a printer jam that absolutely should not have been physically possible.

There were nights when I’d be working after everyone went to bed, thinking, I hope this works. I really hope this works.

Those family and business building years were beautiful and exhausting — and honestly? A little scary. But here’s the part I didn’t expect:

Our early relationship memories became our anchor.

Batcho’s research says nostalgia helps people cope by offering emotional grounding.

But let me describe how that felt in real life.

Whenever things got overwhelming — bills stacking, hours stretching, kids needing everything all at once — something small would happen.

I'd ask, “Do you remember...?” And we’d slip back into one of those beginning moments:

• the first date (debate: was it a movie or a motorcycle ride?)
• the winner buys dinner basketball challenge
• or that purple tie

Those memories didn’t solve the debt or the deadlines. But they did something just as important: they reminded us who we were and what was important before life got complicated.

Those early memories softened the stress so we could see each other again — not as co-managers of chaos, but as two people who recognized that God was there, in our relationship, from the beginning. It reminded us how we became a team and that we can work through the rough stuff together.

Those “how we met” moments worked like little lanterns we could switch on anytime the dark tried to creep in.

This doesn’t require a big, dramatic conversation.
Think of it more like gently turning your face toward the light.

Here are a few easy ways to bring your anchor moments back:

• Tell your partner: “Hey, do you remember our first…”
  (first date, first road trip, first inside joke, first burnt meal, first late-night talk)
• Bring up a tiny memory you’ve never talked about.
  Those are often the sweetest ones.
• Look at an old photo together — but just one.
  Not a whole album. Just one moment that still has a pulse.
• Say the sentence that has saved us more than once:
  “We’ve done hard things before. And we did them together.”

If life feels heavy right now — whether it’s work, parenting, health, money, or simply a season where everything feels like too much — hear this:

Your love story is not outdated.
It’s a resource.

Those early memories aren’t just nostalgia. They’re your resilience tools, your emotional lanterns, your reminder that you and your partner know how to navigate storms — because you’ve done it from the very beginning.

So when things feel dark or uncertain, reach back for one of those tiny golden moments and let it glow again.

Your story is stronger than your stress.
And yes — you two really can get through this.

This article was inspired by Kevin's love of Tangled and those fabulous lanterns.

Reference: Batcho, K. I. (2013). Nostalgia: Retreat or support in difficult times? American Journal of Psychology.