Have you ever had one of those moments where a random memory pops up — maybe a first date, a long-ago road trip, or something sweet your partner once did — and suddenly you feel a little warmer inside?

It turns out that’s not just nostalgia being cute. There’s real relationship science behind it.

I was recently reading an article by psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP in Psychology Today called “How Thinking About the Past Can Help Your Relationship.” She talks about something researchers call relational savoring — the power of revisiting meaningful moments from your shared past. According to several studies she references, intentionally remembering positive experiences can increase relationship satisfaction, soften rough patches, and even help couples reconnect when life feels a little… tense.

And honestly?
I believe it.
I’ve lived it.
And I’ve watched countless couples rediscover each other by revisiting the story of how they fell in love.

Today, I want to share why this matters — and why your story still deserves a place in your present.

Whitbourne highlights research showing that when partners revisit cherished shared memories, they actually experience boosts in closeness and warmth. Not just “aww, that was nice,” but an actual emotional shift. This works because:

1. Memory pulls you out of “problem mode”

Most couples spend more time talking about logistics — who’s picking up the groceries, what’s on the calendar — than about the meaningful stuff that brought them together. Positive memories interrupt the noise.

2. Shared stories remind you you’re on the same team

Even small memories (the silly first date, the mixed-signal moment, the “did-you-really-wear-that?” story) help reinforce your identity as a couple.

3. Nostalgia increases gratitude

Whitbourne mentions that happy memories can activate feelings of affection and appreciation. And when gratitude shows up, connection strengthens.

4. Revisiting the past can help during hard chapters

One powerful note from Whitbourne’s article is that thinking about positive shared moments can soften stress if the relationship is basically healthy. As she points out — and I love this nuance — the memories work best when they’re used to deepen connection, not replace real conversations.

Here’s the thing I wish more couples understood:

Your early love story isn’t just a fun chapter.
It’s part of what holds everything else together.

Those first sparks, awkward beginnings, the phone calls that stretched way too late, the butterflies, the surprises, the moments you didn’t know you’d remember — they are the foundation you built everything on. And even though time moves forward, those moments don’t expire. They still have power. The challenge is… we don’t always stop long enough to remember them.

Life builds layers — schedules, kids, jobs, responsibilities, routines. But under all of that sits the same story that made two people look at each other and think:

“Maybe this is something real.”

When couples take time to revisit and retell that story, something shifts. A softening. A spark. A reminder that you’re not just partners in the business of life — you’re two people who once chose each other with full hearts.

Reflecting on your early relationship isn’t only about nostalgia.
It’s about meaning.

When you write or retell your story, you naturally revisit:

• how you felt
• what surprised you
• what drew you in
• what made you laugh
• what scared you
• and what changed everything

And telling the story together often reveals what each of you noticed or felt that the other didn’t.

That’s the beauty of storytelling:
It uncovers emotional details you didn’t even know you’d saved.

I think people assume their love story belongs in a photo album or at a wedding toast. But it’s meant to be lived with — revisited, retold, and appreciated.

The research backs that up. And real couples back that up. Your story is a source of:

• gratitude
• perspective
• affection
• connection
• identity (“This is who we are”)

And unlike gifts or vacations or grand romantic gestures… your story is something you already have.

You just have to open the door to it again.

This is exactly why I wrote Write Your Love Story (coming in 2026)— a gentle, fun, structured way to remember your moments, organize your memories, and shape your story into something beautiful you can keep, share, or rediscover anytime you need a spark.

The process is warm, creative, and honestly… healing. It’s not about perfection. It’s about connection.

If Whitbourne’s research resonates with you — if the idea of revisiting your early memories makes you smile, or sigh, or feel a tug of something familiar — this might be the perfect place to start.

Your story is already written in your memories.
Let’s help you bring it back to life.

Reference:

Whitbourne, S. K. (2023). How Thinking About the Past Can Help Your Relationship. Psychology Today.